How to Move Forward

Don’t make half the population your enemy.

A lot of us are feeling heartbroken, hurt, scared, confused, anxious, or all of these.

On the morning after the election, I wanted to stay buried under the covers, hoping it was all a bad dream. But eventually I crawled out and summoned the energy to take my morning walk. While I smiled and greeted everyone I passed, I caught myself wondering who they voted for. Are they partly to blame for this? Or are they on my side?

When I got home, I took a deep breath and opened my social media apps. Thanks to our friends the algorithms, Instagram and TikTok served me up just the breakfast of ranting and rage they knew I was hungry for. I indulged for a few minutes, then a few more. But I soon realized that what started out as therapy had taken a sharp turn to darkness. Friends and strangers alike were condemning half of the country, declaring tens of millions of people as suddenly dead to them. I set the phone down and went for another walk.

That’s not the world or the country I want to live in. I teach others and pride myself on the ability to separate people from their behaviors. It’s one of the first tips I give leaders to succeed at navigating through their careers. If you decide that Jeff is an @sshole, it’s always going to be difficult to work effectively with him. But if you can separate his behavior and accept that yesterday Jeff was acting like an @sshole, you can work successfully with him another day.

Half the people in this country (either half) are not horrible people. I can accept that sometimes, some of them behave in ways that I don’t agree with, but so have my kids for that matter. And I must concede, as shocking as this is, that it’s entirely possible some of them think I’ve behaved in ways that they don’t agree with. But that doesn’t make me a horrible person.

I’m not talking about extremists. There are some extreme behaviors that I will never stand for, but that’s a very small minority. I know it’s a small minority because after my morning walks and doom scroll, I started reaching out via social media and engaging with people on that side. I’ve spent many hours since talking with them, and I can assure you, just because someone voted for Donald Trump doesn’t necessarily mean they:

·       Are racist and cruel

·       Applaud sexual assault

·       Condone fascism

·       Idolize Hulk Hogan and Kid Rock

·       Want to rewind the clock to the 1950s

The great majority aren’t any of the things listed above. Some of them just wanted a lower price for milk and eggs and their media choices told them that was the way to get it. Others have a greater affiliation with the current Republican platform, but they’re not evil people. Most of them roll their eyes at the guy in the pickup with 63 Trump flags hanging off it. They’re not so different from you and me.

To confirm this, I’ve been asking Trump voters about their beliefs, their values, and the activities they like to engage in to compare them to mine (a rather liberal person by nature, though I’ve voted both blue and red over the years).

First off, here a few of my beliefs:

·       Everyone is created equal and deserves opportunities

·       Equity of pay for men and women in the workplace

·       Freedom of speech, without fear of retaliation

·       Equality of education and job access

·       God and faith

And a few of my values:

·       Honesty

·       Integrity

·       Accountability

·       Community

·       Kindness

And lastly, some of my favorite activities:

·       Exercise/working out

·       Hiking/kayaking/paddle boarding

·       Spending time with family/kids/pets

·       Listening to or making music

·       Enjoying food or a great meal

OK, I lied. Those lists above are not mine – they’re some of the most popular responses I’ve received from Trump voters I’ve spoken with. Statistically speaking, so far I share over 80% of the beliefs I’ve gathered, over 90% of the values, and at least 90% of the activities (I gave up golf and have retired from home renovation projects).

Anecdotally, after we overcame the initial suspicion of why I wanted to talk to them (can’t blame them there), all these exchanges have been extremely pleasant. I may have even made some new friends. Most have acknowledged they hate the fact we’ve become so divided between two choices. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, as polls often show when they focus on specific issues.

While our country may feel like this:

We’re much more like this:

In short, we have far more in common than we often choose to see. We’re much more similar than we are different. Think what you want of the party leaders and your obnoxious cousin, but don’t lose faith in half the American people.

Take the time you need to heal but take no more than that. We need to rebuild bridges with our families, friends and neighbors quickly before the gap widens too large for a bridge to cross. If our worst fears of this President and his administration come true, we’re going to need to stand together in purple to resist the things that go too far.

This has not only been therapeutic for me, but it’s also part of a larger project on healing the divide in our country. More to come at JustKurious.com